wave


wave painting

 

wave : [weyv] 

Noun

  1. A disturbance on the surface of a liquid body, as the sea or a lake, in the form of a moving ridge or swell.
  1. Based on the Resource Interchange File Format (RIFF), a container format designed to store data in “chunks.”

 

“We burned our bridges and torched our wooden ships, for we were not turning back”

                       ~ Topher Kearby

 

The words crawl up under my skin

And the feminist inside of me baulks…

Him???? She says in exaggerated disgust…

Yeah him…

You….

I’ve held them in for so long release feels like a new wound…

All fresh and gaping…hollow…raw… ugly…

That’s how you left… Remember?

Hollowed me inside out…

Was I 10 when he left? Or 19?

Eternally 19 I always say…

Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree you said…

That daddy that didn’t belong to you child-woman…

Should I spill the beans??

Even though the lies aren’t all mine..

I’ve become a keeper…

See I was raised on secrets… So what’s another one?

But it gnaws at me…

Scratching the surface of my skin..

And then I remember…

 

Remember enough to let out a scream….

Point fingers..

Even when I know there’s more of them pointing back at me..

You…

I thought all my words and tears were swallowed up whole when you left…

Like a big salty hungry unforgiving wave…

Salt can be cleansing they said…

Not when u have wounds…

Wounds itch and burn..

Clawing in their existence..

Staining you…

Screaming SEE????

See what they did??

See what he did??

See what she did???

But you…

Always you…

Still you…

Be ashamed of yourself my feminist says…

Riding the wave of my shoulder…

My heat unhappy with the added weight…

If you’d admit to an ego…

It would be rising up high above you…

Pounding its chest…

Claiming its superiority….

Just the way you did…

You…

You were not real. You are not real.

You…

You…

So much you…

So little me…

But you will remain a fool…

You…

You will remain a fool…

And your lies, both of your lies

Will lay tangled and spent every morning

When her mouth covers your manhood

And she swallows you whole…

You will be so busy writhing and moaning…

You’ll miss all of the signs…

You were just so busy owning, winning… Thriving…

You’ll forget why she chose to stay…

You’ll forget to see the signs…

You’ll forget because believing is easy…

belief sways…

Intoxicating you… till you believe what your eyes see… and your brain tells your heart to lay the matter to rest….

Belief says see!!! I made a list…

I checked the boxes…

I made this sweet-sweet life…

And that’s when a girl in some far-away forgotten land will wince..

From bitterness and truth…

And from the secret joy of forbidden…

oh! The dichotomy of being human…

The dichotomy of truth and lies…

Two sides of the same coin…

But see! The girl is the keeper of all your secrets… Both of yours…

You had to know that…

She knows more than you know.. she always will…

and keep them she will…

burning…

under her skin…

like the last embers of fire….

And this skin covers my thoughts…

So you can have your list…

you can make your plans…

And then then one day,

Just like that…

You’ll walk down the beach…

And your eyes will catch a wave…

Your heart will flutter because

Your mind will unwittingly follow…

Four footsteps by the water…

And you’ll find yourself asking…

Did you the ride the wave? Or did it swallow you whole?

 

 

 

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