Outside…


cryin gurl

Summers’ gone love…

Golden warm,

Its hopeful rays,

burning up my dreams,

From the outside looking in.

Flipped from the inside out,

I burnt till there was nothing left to give…

And nothing more to say…

Except how proud I’d have been to be yours,

For the rest of all our days.

Numb’s all that’s left to feel…

The more that I’ve seemed happy,

The more that I’ve felt so alone…

Just been going through the motions,

I couldn’t even let these emotions out…

My tears have dried,

See I used them for my weak days.

And maybe I was silly enough to think,

I could live through the rest of my days,

In a glaze that only memories can make,

In ways, only one accustomed to loss could take…

But numbness has its ways love,

Of finding a melody in broken songs,

showing me all the ways in which I don’t belong.

And I thought in all this “moving on”,

I’d have no more use for words,

I’d find comfort in just being withdrawn,

And I’d go and pretend I could carry on…

So all your joy could outweigh,

the million deaths I die every day.

But I’m caving love…

I’ve been brave for far too long,

Enough to let the tears come rolling down

And they did…

See…

She broke me;

Broke me with her fiendish ways,

Broke me with her nonchalant gaze,

Broke me with her love for lies,

Broke me staring straight to my eyes…

And all the while you were long gone…

While I Withered…

And wondered…

 About the things unsaid,

Wondered…

 If they’d turn your head.

I was afraid you wouldn’t survive..

And so;

I chose

to sacrifice;

chose to let you go

Despite the voice inside,

Begging to keep my insides alive…

Screaming…what now??

Today, I’m wringing what’s left of words,

What’s left of me…

Enough to say..

I’m done being ok,

With the inequality,

that is born from this little maze.

Done being part of a tipping scale…

Done being on the outside  again…

 

 

 

 

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